The Towers was written and produced as a commission for Steve Turner in Los Angeles, CA. This one-act play follows three women famous for serving time in towers—Rapunzel, Saint Barbara, and Mary Queen of Scots. The Towers begins where these women’s stories ended. Released from their confines, the three find themselves as lifeguards on the Jersey Shore.
THE TOWERS
A PLAY IN ONE ACT
BOOK AND DIRECTIONS BY
M.WHITEFORD
(Originally presented as “FOR THE BIRDS” At Steve Turner)
Original cast:
- MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS . . . . . DAVIE-BLUE
- RAPUNZEL-MARIE . . . . . .ALLISON N. CONNER
- SAINT BARBARA . . . . . .BLAKE PERLMAN
- LOVE BIRD 1 . . . . . LAURA STINGER
- LOVE BIRD 2 . . . . . JOHANNA HAUSER
- PARROT . . . . . . . ALMARIE GUERRA de WILSON
- ORNITHOLOGIST . . . . . . . AMY MACKAY
SCENE 1
THREE WOMEN, BARBARA, MARY, and RAPUNZEL-MARIE are perched on lifeguard towers. They are all scanning the horizon with a single pair of binoculars shared between them. While one uses the pair, the other two pretend to look through glasses made with their hands. They wear matching swimsuits with the insignia: SOUTH JERSEY SAFETY PATROL: YOUR LIFE (AND FUN!) ARE IN OUR HANDS. Two love birds are perched nearby, squabbling. A PARROT sits off to the side, singing, her voice rising and falling throughout the scene.
PARROT:
The mare, fair queen of scots, enjuste
a rightful heir was she.
but as ‘er time did not align
with stars, nor will of queen.
Whose truth is true and whose untrue?
These stories will abound.
A plot, a death, a murderous coup
no alibis are sound.
A ‘cos with bones to pick, then some
strategic heart sans love,
safe bet to hide a wild lass
in towers high above.
The mare begs for mercy, please!
I’ll change my devious ways!
But cries fall on deaf ears,
twas time to end her days.
But lo! A government plan
to rehabilitate—
a work program will do the thing,
make em useful to the state!
Ten years she did her time up high,
til the man he intervened.
“We can no longer accommodate
petty crimes with little means.”
And so, our mare, our rightful queen
was placed in half way homes
and bestowed a job of little skill
with birds and other crones.
Here is where we find our heroines
on a journey, on a fresh start.
Their characters not broken though
you cant kill a wild heart.
Sit back, enjoy this strange bird show
there’s mime, its weird, but clap!
Just think, you too could be contained
your livelihood entrapped.
Dicen que por las noches
no más se le iba en puro llorar
dicen que no comía
no más se le iba en puro tomar
juran que el mismo cielo
se estremecía al oír su llanto
cómo sufrió por ella
y hasta en su muerte la fue llamando
ay, ay, ay, ay, ay cantaba
ay, ay, ay, ay, ay gemía
ay, ay, ay, ay, ay cantaba
(Pause).
BARBARA:
I think I see something.
MARY:
What? Where?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
I don’t see anything. Just some kids splashing around.
BARBARA:
That! There! You see that?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
What? Where?
BARBARA:
That! That thing! That thing in the water! What is that?
MARY:
Is it a shark?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Don’t say that so loud! You’ll start a panic.
MARY:
Well, if it is a shark, we should be panicking.
BARBARA:
No, it’s not a shark. It’s a…it’s a thing.
MARY:
You must be more descriptive.
BARBARA:
It’s some sort of… bird.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You mean a gull? That’s pretty normal, Babs.
BARBARA:
No! Not a gull. It’s brighter, downright…tropical.
MARY:
Trop-i-what?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Tropical. of, or relating to the tropical zone, i.e. below the equator. i.e. hot as hell. You know, technically, I think South Jersey is a subtropic zone this time of year.
MARY:
I don’t see anything. Here, give me those.
(MARY grabs the binoculars)
MARY:
Hm…I don’t…I see it! I see what you mean! There! It’s big, real big.
BARBARA:
Yes! you see. i’m not crazy. does it have red tail feathers?
MARY:
Yes! Red tail feathers but otherwise all black. Man, that’s a big bird.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Don’t tell me it’s a red-tailed black cockatoo!
MARY:
What, those are very rare! I’ve never seen one before.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Ooo lemme see!
(RAPUNZEL-MARIE grabs the binoculars now.)
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
(scanning the sky and sea)
Did you ever see that movie called American Girl? I love that movie. I can really relate the to the main girl’s friend. She’s, like, sexy, but misunderstood.
MARY:
You don’t say?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE
(handing barbara her binoculars)
Yeah, she grows up with, like, super oppressive parents. Her mom and dad don’t let her date, stay out late, drink soft drinks, nothing. I don’t see anything. I think you’re all imagining things.
BARBARA:
It’s right there! Between the fat kid on the boogie board and the old man floating on his back.
MARY:
Then what?
BARBARA:
Then what what?
MARY:
I was talking to R-M: what happens to the girl?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Oh! So, one night she dresses up as a man and sneaks out of the house and goes out on the town. She has a grand old time, flirting with girls, drinking up a storm, dancing, singing. And no one recognizes her! She even gets a little thrill when her teacher walks in to the bar where she is singing and doesn’t recognize her. So, she does this every night.
MARY:
It really is a shame how men get to have all the fun.
BARBARA:
You really can’t see that? It’s huge! With a big red belly. Now it’s near the crags!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Yes i have to agree. So this girl, I can’t remember her name, she does this every night for, like, a week or something, and there is like this weird sub-story with the crush on her teacher which is totally gross and inappropriate but whatever, and her parents find out but they are so impressed by her talent that they just let it go…to be honest i don’t really remember the ending.
MARY:
It sounds like a story with great potential that is completely dumb and told way too many times. I suppose she and the teacher get together and she goes back to being a quiet little girl and they are all happy and now that she has a man her parents finally let her out of the house?
BARBARA:
Will you two stop jabbering! the thing is getting closer!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Actually no, the girl figures out how much she loves performing and goes on to become this huge hollywood star and bamboozles all these big wigs. It’s one of those ambiguous endings, ya know?
MARY:
Huh, well, color me impressed, Mr. Baum.
BARBARA:
Look! look! There are two birds now!
MARY:
I think when I’m rich, I will have small space for four or five birds in my back yard. Some nice cockatiels, or maybe some love birds.
BARBARA:
I would do those Banks’ cockatoos. All black birds. Imagine an aviary full of ravens?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Sounds like a nightmare.
MARY:
What sort of birds would you have, ‘Punz?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
I hate birds. They’re filthy. They squack all night long. I want to raise salukis.
BARBARA:
(putting down her binoculars)
What is a saluki?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
It’s one of the world’s oldest and elegant dogs. It’s gorgeous—thin, lanky, with luxurious long hair.
MARY:
How fitting.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Yah, when the summer is over I’m out of here. I don’t even like swimming. The salt water gets all stuck in my throat, there is sand everywhere, the gulls chase me. And don’t get me started on the jelly fish.
MARY:
If you don’t like the beach, why in god’s name are you working at one?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Well I’m not sure about you, Mary, but it hasn’t exactly been a piece of cake finding work ever since I got out.
MARY:
I’m sure some kennel would have taken you.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Hey…
BARBARA:
Come on girls, stop it. If this isn’t a bird, it was something else, and we have to warn everyone.
MARY:
(ignoring her)
Yeah when I’m rich, my home is gonna be a castle filled with exotic creatures and delicious delicacies—fish roe, urchin, Japanese paper.
BARBARA:
Thou shalt not covet they neighbors birds, Mary.
MARY:
I’ll covet all I want. My social worker says: dream big.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Mine says: be practical.
BARBARA:
There he is! Would you look at him? He’s just glorious. A vision. God incarnate.
MARY:
The interior will be all mid-century design. Neutra with all those long windows and built in credenzas and what not.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Wow, you know a lot about design.
MARY:
I had a lot of time on my hands when I was locked up.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
I just watched movies. I’ve actually seen all of Alan Baum’s movies. He’s the guy who made that movie Ii was telling you about, American Girl. I think he’s brilliant. You think he’s single?
BARBARA:
I think he’s gay.
MARY:
God, I love a good scandal.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Well, he probably needs a more feminine stand in for social events.
BARBARA:
You’d do that? Sacrifice love for money?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Sure, why not? We could both have lovers on the side.
BARBARA:
Sounds awful.
MARY:
I’m into it. why don’t you dial him up: for a fake date call: 555 555 5555.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Very funny. No, you’re right, Babs. I want to wait for my rich, straight man to swoop me up in his Porche. Take me to Atlantic City.
MARY:
Good luck with that.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You don’t think it’s possible? For dreams to come true?
MARY:
Oh! i know. I’d have a set of Maluccan parrots. oh i love a good Maluccan! Their coloring goes great with everything. And they’re not too chatty, not like those Corellas.
BARBARA:
They don’t make for the best companions.
MARY:
Speak for yourself. I enjoy an aloof bird.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You would.
MARY:
If that is a black tailed cocktaoo, I say we take the damn thing, sell it, and fly off to Mexico.
BARBARA:
Well now i can’t find the damn, I mean, darn, thing.
MARY:
Barbara! Language.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You know, that’s not a terrible idea. We could say the beach was contaminated by oil or sewage. How about this: we found the rare bird dead. Like a canary in a coal mine or whatever. And then we say, we must get scientists in here to investigate why there is a rare tropical bird and why it died.
MARY:
Maybe he ate a poison berry or something.
BARBARA:
Girls! Absolutely not. we are here to save lives.
(The women scan the horizon in silence.)
BARBARA:
Should we take a break? I brought some biscuits, butter, and ham.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Yes, please, I’m famished!
(BARBARA takes out a wicker basket, unfolds a handkerchief bundle containing biscuits, butter, jam, slices of Canadian bacon, and a knife.)
MARY:
Aren’t these just divine?
BARBARA:
I burned the first batch but I think these came out just right, wouldn’t you say?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You do have a way with baking, Babs.
BARBARA:
It’s very mathematical, actually. This plus this equals a final product. And if you add wrong, well, your biscuits are bollocks.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Where’d you get this ham? It’s so flavorful!
BARBARA:
It’s organic from up north. I had it sliced thick, to go with the powerful butter flavor of the biscuits.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
(clearly bored)
Mmhm, I have to admit, I mostly eat vegetarian these days.
BARBARA:
Oh, no a girl your age needs a little meat. Especially if you ever plan on conceiving.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
The only thing I plan on conceiving at this point is my escape out of here. I have much bigger dreams than watching other people enjoy themselves. Don’t you?
BARBARA:
I don’t know. I’m humble, I like this job. I’m happy making a little cash, baking a few biscuits, and having a simple life.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You ever think of opening your own bakery?
BARBARA:
You think I’m good enough?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You could be. You just need a little start up cash. And a place with style. I bet I could help you there. I have an eye for design. We could draw people in with some bold colors and simple interior. We can call it Babs’ Biscuits!
BARBARA:
I like it! Mary? Come eat some more, we have a few more hours before break.
MARY.
I do love your biscuits, Barbara, thank you.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
I was just telling Barbara she needs to open her own bakery! Babs’ biscuits! Isn’t that clever? I came up with it.
MARY:
Very clever. I say go for it. Maybe we can hit up your rich director for a little start up cash. Give him a few biscuits for him to taste, maybe look up his assistant and pass them off to her, real sneaky-like, eh?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You know, that isn’t a bad idea. I could leave them in a little basket with a nice note at his doorstep. Oooo what if we did a delivery treats service like that?
BARBARA:
“Too busy to leave the comforts of your Hollywood Hills home? Are you a washed up recluse with a sweet tooth? Babs’ Biscuits to the rescue!”
(The women laugh, mouths full, they seem happy.)
BARBARA:
Did you hear that? that squack? I think that bird is back!
MARY:
My neighbor, when i was growing up, Ms. Tenniel, in Mount Holly? She had 12 zebra finches.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
What does that even mean?
MARY:
R-M, zebra finches are very rare.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
No wonder they’re disappearing, Ms. Tenniel of Mount Holly is hoarding them all.
MARY:
She had an umbrella cockatoo, too!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Cockatoo, too!
(The women chirp and coo, cockatoo, too! cockatoo, too!)
BARBARA:
Shhhh! I’m trying to hear! You don’t hear that?
MARY:
Hear what?
BARBARA:
That cooing.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
That was us.
BARBARA:
No, no, I’m not an idiot. I heard this loud noise coming from the break water, over there.
MARY:
Over where?
BARBARA:
There!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
There can be anywhere when you’re pointing at the sea.
BARBARA:
You really don’t hear that?
MARY:
What does it sound like?
BARBARA:
It sounds like…coo. coo. cool. cool!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Cool?
BARBARA:
Yes! Cool! Cool!
MARY:
Cool! Cool!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Cool!
(The three woman all keep shouting cool toward the sea.)
BARBARA:
Wait, no. It’s not cool. It’s cruel! Cruel!
MARY:
Cruel!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Cruel!
(The three women shout cruel over and over toward the sea.)
MARY:
I really don’t hear anything, Babs, besides our own voices, of course.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Of course!
BARBARA:
Of course!
(BARBARA and RAPUNZEL-MARIE shout of course which, of course, turns to off course, toward the sea.)
MARY:
Stop it! Listen.
(The women put down their binoculars and cup their ears: listening.)
BARBARA:
(whispering)
Here birdie birdie.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Hey, Mary, want to come to my step mother’s house? Help me ease the pain of one-on-one time? Please oh pretty please?
MARY:
I wouldn’t put myself through that torture, sorry ‘Punz.
BARBARA:
I’ll go with you! I am resilient to the type of passive aggression native only to women of the step mother persuasion.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Never mind. I think I’ll just have a quiet night at home. I’ll tell her I swallowed too much salt water, or something.
BARBARA:
I’m going out there.
MARY:
Out where?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You don’t mean…
BARBARA:
I do. I mean the sea. Sometimes you have to grab the bull by the horns, ladies.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Or the bird by the beak?
BARBARA:
I’m going to go find that bird.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
I’ll help you.
MARY:
God, Rapunzel-Marie, you are such an opportunist.
BARBARA:
It can’t be hard to find a parrot in the ocean. Easier to find a parrot in the ocean than a camel in a needle, or whatever that old saying is.
MARY:
I’ll be here, doing our jobs, but don’t think I’m your getaway car if the boss shows up!
BARBARA:
I would never think such a thing.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Here birdie birdie! Here birdie birdie!
MARY:
Are you serious?Do you really think that will work? This isn’t a dog. This is a highly intelligent bird.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Parrots mimic right? Maybe he’ll respond: here birdie birdie! Not the first time i’ve heard that.
(MARY laughs and as she watches the two weave through the crowded beach and gingerly enter the ocean calling: here birdie birdie.)
MARY:
(shouting)
I’m afraid our star bird has flown too far. Parrots want nooks of trees, not endless seas!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
(shouting back) )
We aren’t giving up! We went through a lot of work to get here.
BARBARA:
That bird is a breeder if I ever saw one. It could be worth a lot of money.
MARY:
(to herself)
Birds don’t work like that. I want a diverse aviary, well curated, a little of this a little of that.
(shouting to them)
Maybe we’re doing this bird a favor if we let him loose!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE
(shouts to the sky.)
Find your mate! Find your fate! Fly bird, fly!
(BARBARA caps her hand over RAPUNZEL-MARIE’s mouth.)
BARBARA:
Girl, do you know where we are? Don’t attract attention—people will panic, they’ll call the police, we’ll lose our jobs. I can guarantee that. We should probably be discreet.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
I’m tired of being discreet. iI’ve been contained against my will my whole life, I want that bird to know I’m jealous and that it should do it’s bird thing and
(shouting to the sea)
fly away! Because we all should be so lucky.
(MARY is silent for a while, observing and considering her companions. then:)
MARY:
Fly bird! Fly!
(A massive black bird with red tail feathers flies over BARBARA and RAPUNZEL-MARIE and lands on MARY’s lifeguard chair.)
MARY:
Did you see that?! I conjured him! He chose me.
(RAPUNZEL-MARIE and BARBARA are running up the beach back to their posts, hooting and hollering: hoot hoot hoot hoot!)
MARY:
Quick, where is my bag?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You left it in the van. use mine!
(RAPUNZEL-MARIE’s bag is a dainty clutch)
MARY:
Do you have any hair ties?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
(indicates her hair)
Are you kidding me?
MARY:
Just give me four.
(RAPUNZEL-MARIE rifles through her bag and pulls out glittery hair ties. MARY ties the bands around the birds’ wings.)
MARY:
There, there, you grand creature. All will be well soon. Just relax and we’ll get you to safety.
(The bird struggles but eventually subdues, resting on MARY’s arm. Sweet.)
BARBARA:
Remarkable! Truly remarkable! You see, who was seeing things now?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You see, who was seeing?
PARROT:
You see, you see!
BARBARA:
Did you hear that!? He said “you see”!
MARY:
Parrots do have a knack for mimicry.
BARBARA:
What I meant to say was: na na na!
PARROT:
Na na na!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
This is utterly dull. What’s so great about a parrot in the sea? It would be much more interesting if it were a merman or the Lochness monster.
MARY:
Considering parrots are generally only found in the tropics and that this particular breed of parrot is practically extinct, I think it’s fairly interesting.
BARBARA:
No one believed me. There he was, I saw him, I have quite the eye. I think I was born to be a lifeguard.
MARIE-RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Or a sniper.
BARBARA:
Oh please, me and artillery?
MARY:
Saint Barb joins the brigade. watch your backs, boys, she has impeccable aim. Oh! look how his feathers rise and fall, like gills. Just like my hair when I have goosebumps. What to do with you, bird? What to do?
BARBARA:
What is the name of that director you love, ‘Punz?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Alan Baum.
BARBARA:
Alan Baum.
MARY:
Alan Baum.
PARROT:
Alan Baum.
MARY:
Did you hear that? Good boy! Do you have any treats handy?
BARBARA:
Oh great, I can picture it now. mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? Alan Baum. and all the birds go: Alan Baum.
PARROT:
Alan Baum.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Alan Baum.
EVERYONE:
Alan Baum.
BARBARA:
I bet that Alan Baum would lap up a story like this: rare black bird found off the south bay coast. harbinger of luck. good or bad? watch this season’s hottest tv show: “seaBIRD” to find out!
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
Oh great, Barb, I’ll just ring him up: Hey Al, I got a swell idea. How’s about a boring story about a bird.
BARBARA:
Well, we can make it more interesting. Involve more birds. Maybe the three of us fall in love with the birds.
MARY:
Or we start an aviary business with all the birds.
BARBARA:
Yeah!
MARY:
Yeah!
PARROT:
Yeah!
(Repeat)
(RAPUNZEL-MARIE has taken up her binoculars again. she raises and lowers them to her eyes, jaw slack.)
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
I don’t believe it…
BARBARA:
What? What is it?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
It can’t be…
MARY:
Is it your Lochness?
BARBARA:
Your beloved Mr. Baum?
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
No! It’s another one of those damn birds!
BARBARA:
It can’t be!
MARY:
Another red bellied?
(MARY grabs the binoculars.)
MARY:
I don’t see anything.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
There! Just off the rocks, about a quarter mile in. You see?
MARY:
You mean that red dot? That’s just someone’s bathing suit.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
No, no, it’s definitely one of those red bellied boobie birdies!
BARBARA:
Let me see!
(BARBARA grabs RAPUNZEL-MARIE’s binoculars and scans the sea.)
BARBARA:
Oh! Oh! I see it! I see it!
(MARY grabs the binoculars.)
MARY:
Give me those. I don’t…wait I think! No, that’s just another boogie boarder.
RAPUNZEL-MARIE:
You really don’t see the bird? Look, it’s coming closer!
BARBARA:
Oh! maybe we have his friend. Hello! Hello bird! Do you two know one another?
MARY:
You’re ridiculous.
PARROT:
Two know, two know!
PARROT TWO:
Two know, two know!
MARY:
Well I’ll be damned.
PARROT:
A wife, born poor, a farmer’s girl
mom and dad hurt for cash,
no bread, no milk, to fill their mouths
a man driven to steal potash.
A weed, green leaf, and regal herb
a crone, old witch, a deal:
give me your first born i’ll let you be
handshake, its done, child’s wail.
Rapunzel n’er saw it comin’
we take what we’re given
thanks dad for sentencing me
to a lofted prison.
For she was born, she became trapped
her step mom calls: hair hair!
and the obedient child obeys
done deal, what’s fair is fair.
Witch warden, has a change of heart
at night you can go out
the girl dresses to the nines
to enjoy a drinking bout.
Clever girl, changed her name and dyes
her blond hair brightly red
witness protection program, ya’ll
witch mom believed her dead.
A dreamer! a romantic gal,
a basic bitch for sure.
Who cares! give her a break, crissakes
with what she had t’endure.
de pasión mortal moría
que una paloma triste
muy de mañana le va a cantar
a la casita sola
con sus puertitas de par en par
juran que esa paloma
no es otra cosa más que su alma
que todavía espera
a que regrese la desdichada.
cucurrucucú paloma, cucurrucucú no llores
las piedras jamás, paloma
¿qué van a saber de amores
cucurrucucú, cucurrucucú
cucurrucucú, cucurrucucú
cucurrucucú, paloma, ya no le llores
Fin.
M. Whiteford is a writer, performer, and critic. She is a contributing writer for Artforum and the Managing Editor of the Art Book Review. Her work as appeared in Aperture Magazine, Harlequin Creature, The Torrance Art Museum, MAMA, Steve Turner, Wilding Cran, the Women’s Center for Creative Work, Pieter Performance Space, 356 Mission, and PAM Residencies. Her play, a feminist spin on The Bacchae entitled The Shapes We Make With Our Bodies, was published in 2015 with Plays Inverse. A full production of this work was performed at The Hive (NYC) in February, 2017. Her first novel (forthcoming, &Now books, 2018), received the 2016 Madeleine P. Plonsker Emerging Writers Residency Prize.
