The questions I would have asked you when I was 10, after you passed away:
Why did you choose a Canadian baseball team to support?
Why did you buy their hat?
Why did you give the hat to me? The one with the bird on it.
Did you know they were a real kinda bird?
Did you ever take your binoculars out on the marsh to look for them?
Or into the fields? Or by the river?
Do they even have blue jays in England, Grampy?
Are you sure?
Come on. Before you watched the baseball game and bought the hat…did you know that was a real kinda bird or was it just a guess?
The questions I would have asked you when I was 25, after my other grandfather passed away:
Is there baseball in heaven?
Does it count?
Last month, there was a blue jay in my yard. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?
Did you know how loud blue jays are? And how much they have to say?
No. Let’s go back to the baseball thing for a moment. If they do have it up there…what’s the score? And who’s pitching?
This morning, there were two blue jays outside, in loud conversation. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?
Did you ever imagine this hat would survive so long?
Did you know that blue jays were a real kinda bird…before you bought the hat?
Caitlin Upshall holds a B.A. in English from Western Washington University. Her work has been published in the Yellow Chair Review and the Sweet Tree Review.
featured photo courtesy of the author