I remember when Curt killed this King on the Tracks. I say / we said, “the Tracks,” but that was really a name for this big section of the Chicago…
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The explosive charges worked fine. The wall caved in as expected. But the specs were wrong, or a decimal disappeared somewhere. The slight possibility of a wrong address, some dyslexic…
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Last night I pretended that I was a Sultan and you were one of my many mistresses and I had summoned you in particular from the large-print catalogue of palace…
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Hello, Mrs Baker, and thank you for letting me speak today. Hi class, my name is Mr Devereaux, and I’m here to talk to you about my chosen career in…
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You are waiting for him, the man who has promised to bring ropes to tie you up, you naughty thing you. It has been arranged. You placed an ad on…
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Most of you will think Most Valuable Player, but those in software development may think Minimum Viable Product. Both are off-target. Think Minimum Viable President. Mr. Trump: Americans, whether we…
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I am on a plane to Portland when the pilots disappear. The flight attendants laugh and start playing hide-and-seek. They assume people cannot leave a moving aircraft without making a…
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GRIEF You hide your drugs in the cremation box of your beloved, dead cat. To process your grief, you make a powerpoint of pictures of your beloved, dead cat. It’s…
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You know, acquaintances aged thirty-five to fifty on my Facebook, there was a time about six months ago when I feared to log-on, because when I did it would cost…
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Did you know male jumping spiders dance to court the females? Some species raise their forelegs like a surrender or wave them side to side (all the fellas in the…
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1) “Look at all that snow: The Climate Change Denier’s Christmas” 2) “Gingerbread Husband (Please Santa)” 3) “Hark, The Heating Bill!” 4) “Not Enough Eggnog in…
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Dear Executive Team: I tender my resignation, effective immediately. To be sure, this is a very painful decision. I’ve always been this company’s biggest advocate and I strive to inspire…
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I get paid three dollars to imagine being buried under the ice in the salad bar. Bob calls my name, and I ask what. “Come here.” I walk towards the…
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We’re driving through cornfields and the light is perfect. Like ridiculously perfect, and you’re singing “Graceland,” and you and the sage hanging from your mirror are swaying and silhouetted like…
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