Virgo, you will not remember much about this day because tomorrow will be quite the emotional day for you. Rest up, Virgo. You will need it.
Virgo, today you will be sad. You will make a playlist entitled, Sad. You will listen to songs by other women with broken hearts who are sad. They sound sad and you feel sad and everything will be plain old sad sad sad for the entire day. You will plan to drive and park by the lake and listen to your Sad playlist and cry. But you will strangely not be sad about this. You will actually like being sad. You will enjoy being sad. You will feel more like yourself when you are sad. Like your true state is a state of sadness and during every second and minute and hour of every other day when you aren’t sad, you aren’t being true to yourself. Be true to yourself, Virgo. Be sad and be happy about it.
Virgo, today you will be sad, but not the good kind of sad. Not the kind of sad that is your true state. You will be an angry sort of sad. This will make you anxious. This will make you listen to your Sad playlist and be upset because it isn’t the right kind of sad. You will let your phone die. You will hope everyone will call or message or email you and then wonder, I wonder where she is. You will look around and wonder where else you could be. You will use much willpower to not search for things you have already seen but shouldn’t have seen. You will try and be a good wife. You will try not to wear your husband’s patience thin with anxious ponderings. But Virgo, you will not and cannot succeed. That is okay. He will tell you, It is going to be okay. And It is okay. Go back to being the good kind of sad, Virgo. Revel in it. You’ve earned it.
Virgo, today you will not want to get out of bed and so you will not get out bed. And even though you may feel good about this choice today, tomorrow, Virgo, you will realize nothing has changed.
Virgo, today you will consider buying a sunflower. You will consider buying a sunflower even though your porch has no sun. Even though you have no backyard. Even though you have no idea how to care for one. But these are all things you can work around with the right mindset because the sunflower will represent the opposite of sad, for you, Virgo. It will represent your will to thrive despite having no sun and no true home and no one who can adequately care for you. But you should not buy the sunflower, Virgo, because you are no Sunflower. No, you are a cactus. You are the pink tipped pinwheel or the giant canary rose or the prickly pear. Self-sufficient or resilient or a bit dangerous to touch for such a pretty thing.
Virgo, today you will think and think and think about all the things you wish you could say to her but will never actually say. Like Women should respect other women. Like I’m trying not to hate you. Like Stop. Like Just because you blocked me doesn’t mean I’m not here. Like I exist and I am his wife and you did not ruin us.
Virgo, today you will make twenty-four deviled eggs for you and your closest friends. You will drive with your husband to a small town where you could see yourselves settling down despite this past week. But Virgo, you will learn he has lied again. But he feels really awful and this makes you feel really awful for how absolutely awful he feels, and even though it isn’t fair, Virgo, you will accept how truly awful he feels and hope it means he won’t ever do it again, like for real this time, like maybe he really really really means it and doesn’t just think or hope he means it this time. And later in the night, when you’re standing with all your friends and with him with his arm around you and the darkness is lit by colored streaks and explosions eclipsing all other luminous points in the sky, you will think, Yes. Maybe.
Amber Taliancich Allen recently graduated with her MFA in Fiction from the NEOMFA program out of Cleveland State University. She has worked as both the non-fiction and fiction editor of The Oracle: A Literary Review, as well as the Editor-in-Chief of Whiskey Island Magazine and the Managing Editor of the Cleveland State University Poetry Center. Her work has appeared in Gigantic Sequins. She teaches creative writing at Cleveland State University and currently lives in Lakewood, Ohio.