Thin Lizzy – Black Rose (1979)
An Irish wedding and an American funeral form simultaneously from the same bar fight.
* * * * *
Thin Lizzy – Fighting (Deluxe Edition) (1975)
You steal a police officer’s baton from their unattended car and the whole town buys you a beer every time you use it to smash a racist who doesn’t boogie.
* * * * *
Hoops – Hoops EP (2016)
The sound of the band the dude in Rush’s 2112 Suite formed to make the Priests Of the Temple Of Syrinx destroy his guitar.
* * * * *
Rufus Wainwright – Rufus Wainwright (1998)
The Queen of some European country gives you a lecture about love during wartime and the poetry of Constantine P. Cavafy using only songs in the public domain to stress her points.
* * * * *
Neil Young – Broken Arrow (1996)
String Theory as explained by a guy who has had the same shoelaces since 1979.
* * * * *
NoMeansNo – In the Fishtank 1 (1997)
You finally know what your grandfather meant when he said, “There’s more than one way to get arrested for throwing an armoire down a set of stairs.”
* * * * *
Frank Zappa – Hot Rats (1969)
Your drug dealer’s favorite band’s favorite comparative literature professor.
* * * * *
King Crimson – Starless & Bible Black (1974)
Your favorite comparative literature professor’s drug dealer’s favorite band.
* * * * *
NEU! – Neu! (1972)
Excitedly pulling into your driveway for an hour and a half.
* * * * *
Aimee Mann – Whatever (1993)
The way love feels when you finally meet someone who hates you as much as you hate yourself.
* * * * *
Bat Fangs – Bat Fangs (2018)
You get an IV of grenadine but keep your sugar high under control by pretending to roll yourself into a spliff with a Def Leppard tapestry.
* * * * *
My Bloody Valentine – Glider (1990)
Someone smeared glitter and Vaseline all over their face and you kiss it all off and then they kiss it all off you and you both die doing exactly that a hundred years later.
* * * * *
LSD and the Search For God – LSD and the Search for God (2007)
The movie Waterworldexcept with the deserts instead of the oceans.
* * * * *
Swervedriver – Son Of Mustang Ford (1991)
A dumpster behind the Roman candle factory mysteriously starts on fire.
* * * * *
Nigel Pepper Cock – Fresh White Reeboks Kickin’ Your Ass (2001)
The official album of the company that makes those nuts that hang from the trailer hitch of a truck.
* * * * *
ISIS – The Red Sea (1999)
Despite the inconvenience of your library being underwater, any book containing the words “deep state” are still available to be checked out.
* * * * *
Sonic Youth – “Cotton Crown” / “P.C.H.” (Live, 1987) (1987)
That sound when you unplug a guitar from an amp that’s dimed and then plug it back in really quick, but on purpose.
