Björk – Homogenic (1997)
The grand opening reception for a synthesizer shop that just opened up in the hollowed-out ribcage of a giant polar bear thought to be extinct for millions of years.
* * *
Yes – Fragile (1971)
Your mom signs you up for private cartography lessons, but your tutor just makes everything more complicated by only speaking in metaphors.
* * *
Rye Coalition – On Top (2002)
Every week when your band is practicing “Riff Raff” your older brother comes into the basement and plays it way better than you even though you’re pretty sure he doesn’t even like AC/DC.
* * *
Cameron Avery – Ripe Dreams, Pipe Dreams (2017)
An inside joke at a Friar’s Club roast ends up twisting in on itself and bringing a tear to Dean Martin’s eye.
* * *
Pity Sex – Feast of Love (2013)
The tattoo artist makes you sign a few extra forms to verify that you really want a full sleeve of the entire scene from Catcher In the Rye where Holden Caulfield gets a prostitute and just sort of kvetches to her.
* * *
Gully Boys – Not So Brave (2018)
Sitting on your phone for an hour looking for a bath bomb that’ll make you not sleep for fifteen hours at a time so often but buying some tights with Rugrats characters on them instead.
* * *
King Crimson – Red (1974)
NASA picks up audio of some natural disasters happening in the outer reaches of the universe and, not long after, picks up audio from the same region of the survivors planning their revenge.
* * *
Loop – A Guilded Eternity (1990)
You eat nothing but the fuzz from peaches and even though you’ve never beaten Battletoads, you’ve hacked into the data on the cartridge just to check it out.
* * *
Aviator – Head In the Clouds, Hands In the Dirt (2014)
The PTA doesn’t want to hear your sob story about getting picked last in kickball when you were these kids’ age, just take down your fucking My Bloody Valentine poster and keep angrily teaching the semi-religious poetry curriculum.
* * *
American Pleasure Club – A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This (2018)
You’re too sad to drop a link to your podcast when a meme you made about Cowboy Bebop goes a little viral.
* * *
American Music Club – Everclear (1991)
You need to be more specific when talking about “that girlfriend” who broke up with you for yelling at her in a jazz club.
* * *
Weed – Deserve (2013)
Planning the perfect way to dress up as Ritualistic Disassociation for Halloween.
* * *
Bang – Bang (1972)
Though you’re not exactly sure what would take place, you know something super gnarly would happen if you could turn your liver into a beer bong.
* * *
Keelhaul – II (2000)
Siamese triplets fighting over the nice set of nunchucks.
* * *
Gang of Four – Yellow (1979)
Nerds that are really upset about dancing and also not dancing.
* * *
Jimmy Eat World – Bleed American (2001)
You’re the post-count leader on a Metallica message board but all you ever do is make threads about how nice it is to go have meaningful conversations with girls.
* * *
Mitski – Be the Cowboy
The sun develops a glitch that makes humanity a redundancy to itself and, thus, much happier in its new state of despair.
