Steely Dan – Katy Lied (1975)
That scene in Annie Hall where Woody Allen sneezes on the pile of blow, but there’s so much blow that the only real problem is how much you still hate yourself.
Superchunk – Majesty Shredding (2010)
Being really excited about how much you sold your old graphing calculator for online.
Lootus – Sounds From Vermillion Sands (2018)
The two computers you found on your nightly walk across time and space start arguing with each other and when you try to interject with some common sense you get told to shut the fuck up.
Tankard – The Morning After (1988)
Your buddy figured out how to turn a potato gun into a beer bong and you don’t know how to not bring it up at job interviews.
ELO – A New World Record (1976)
A day at the races, a night at the opera, and an afternoon drinking warm milk while reading an article about spaceships in Reader’s Digest.
Mirror/Low-Pass – Split (2013)
Going to the fair and winning your date a shooting star.
Ruins – Hyderomastgroningem (1995)
In an effort to train yourself to throw a handful of salt up in the air and count all the grains before they hit the ground, you’ve learned how to both climb and fall from the tops of mountains.
Reigning Sound – Too Much Guitar (2004)
Redlining the headache knob on your denim jacket.
Carmen – Fandangos In Space (1973)
Spinal Tap en Español.
Manuel Göttsching – E2-E4 (1981/1984)
What Björk hears in her head whenever she’s explaining string theory to the cashier at the Icelandic version of Costco.
Tight Phantomz – Silk Prison (2012)
There’s a sound that passes all-too-briefly through your head as you take your posters down from the wall in your room and think with 100% certainty you’ll hang them up again at your new place, but you pack them away and never see them again.
Daniel Bachman – The Morning Star (2018)
Waking up in the middle of the night and suddenly realizing that if you let a million trains run into the same monolithic hunk of marble for a million year in a million different universes, it’ll never make the statue of David, but it’ll make a pretty wicked mess.
Vundabar – Smell Smoke (2018)
Someone tries to flag you down on the highway to tell you your car’s on fire, but you already know so you don’t bother slowing down.
Minnie Riperton – Perfect Angel (1974)
The movie My Girl if bees didn’t exist.
Coroner – Grin (1993)
Even though the art teacher likes that, out of all the kids in black t-shirts in class, you’re the only one drawing something that doesn’t have a skull bleeding dead flies out of the eye-holes, she doesn’t necessarily like or understand your picture of two candles reading each other a JG Ballard book in matching coffins.
Captain Beyond – Captain Beyond (1972)
Wearing 3D glasses at all times because you’re convinced you can see through cans of Schlitz and find out which ones are the most full.
Toon – Cudighi (2018)
I accidentally typed “3018” as the year when I was writing this out and I almost left it.
Earth, Wind, and Fire – All ‘n All (1977)
Previously thought to be medically impossible, doctors complete the first full body skin-to-silk conversion.
Cows – Plowed (1992)
The only two people in the bar are you and a drunk hobo who keeps singing “Piano Man” and it’s funny and then it’s not and then it’s very touching and then it’s not funny again and then he suddenly dies mid-chorus.
Stone Temple Pilots – Purple (1994)
Someone on the ’59 Yankees explaining to their therapist how they think they’re just as clever as Yogi Berra.
King Crimson – In the Court of the Crimson King (1969)
Writing a scathing journal entry about the person who keeps changing your alterations to the Wikipedia page for “Renaissance faire.”
Baroness – First / Second / A Grey Sigh In a Flower Husk (2004 / 2005)
Napalm if it was made out of coffee grounds.
Dieselhed – Shallow Water Blackout (1997)
You move your desk into the middle of the street to work on your novel and everyone just kindly drives around you and waves.