Here Are the Albums I Listened to This Week (7/27/18)
Don Caballero – Don Caballero 2 (1995)
A tornado starts throwing hot chocolate at another tornado while screaming, “YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE JAZZ!”
Baroness – First and Second (2004/2005)
A eulogy for all the cavemen who died doing crazy shit the week after they discovered fire.
Nikki Lane – Highway Queen (2017)
You don’t know it when she winks at you, but the waitress at Cracker Barrel is going to stab you in your sleep four years later.
Codeine – Frigid Stars (1990)
You get amnesia but someone drops off a box of negatives of photos you’ve taken throughout your life and you slowly start to piece it all back together.
King Crimson – Red (1974)
Staring at the sun for so long that you swear it stares back at you.
Rush – Grace Under Pressure (1984)
Science goes too far when it creates a sentient Dungeon Master guide, but it’s okay because all it does is accurately predict the record of the Montreal Expos for the rest of the decade.
W.A.S.P. – The Last Command (1985)
Breaking into a meat processing plant while totally blotto and picking a fight with a hanging side of beef.
Steely Dan – Gaucho (1980)
A guy starting a sentence with the phrase, “My favorite divorce” while not looking you in the eyes because he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror across the room and thought about how he used to do blow off it before he even recognized himself in the reflection.
The Flaming Lips – Clouds Taste Metallic (1995)
Jim won’t get back to you about the psychedelic peanut butter you’ve invented in your garage, but things are looking up regardless.
Aix Em Klemm – Aix Em Klemm (2000)
Like quicksand, but slow.
Genesis – Selling England By the Pound (1973)
Your musical theater friends get the hold on their venue revoked so you let them perform their show in your living room where you watch it with headphones on, even though there’s nothing playing through them.
Walter Wanderley – Rain Forest (1966)
Drawing pictures of Pelé with little hearts around them and not a care in the world until summer’s over.
Thelonious Monk – Monk’s Dream (1963)
When your car breaks in two on the highway, your ass is on the back half and your feet are on the front half and you, miraculously, keep it together and drive and drive and drive.
Billy Cobham – Spectrum (1973)
A tasteful moment in the drum room at a music shop while someone plays video games at 144db next door.
The Cure – Three Imaginary Boys (1979)
Getting really mad as a pre-teen because you always got a stomachache before you could eat enough popsicles to make it look like you were wearing lipstick.
A.C.T. – Last Epic (2003)
The endearingly worst parts of Rush and Steely Dan in one convenient package.
Dianogah – Battle Champions (2000)
Your hypnotist has you falling up an infinite hole that’s open on both ends but he dies before you can get snapped out of it.
Rick Moranis – The Agoraphobic Cowboy (2005)
I just kept picturing Dark Helmet on the Planet of the Apes having to make this album as part of his punishment during enslavement.
King Crimson – Larks’ Tongues In Aspic (1973)
Your buddy is pretty normal until they go on a trip to the Czech Republic and come back with some instrument a local made for them and bunch of weird stories about licking frogs.
Bottomless Pit – Shade Perennial (2013)
After your house burns down, you find a box of sweaters in the basement, untouched by flames.
ZZ Top – ZZ Top’s First Album (1970)
You get invited to a BBQ.
ZZ Top – Rio Grande Mud (1972)
Holy shit, the BBQ is great.
ZZ Top – Tres Hombres (1973)
Like, seriously, the best BBQ you’ve ever had.
ZZ Top – Fandango! (1975)
Someone brings veggie burgers to the BBQ and you eat one of those rather skeptically but it’s also fantastic and also oh my god there’s another rack of ribs fresh off the smoker.
ZZ Top – Tejas (1976)
You dozed off into a delightful little food coma for a second at the BBQ.
ZZ Top – Degüello (1979)
But there’s your second wind and is there any BBQ brisket left?
ZZ Top – El Loco (1981)
There’s more food coming out at the BBQ, but something’s different in the recipe and after a couple bites you realize how tired you are.
ZZ Top – Eliminator (1983)
It’s been a great time and there’s still a little fun to be had at the BBQ, but it’s time to go the fuck home.