The Isley Brothers – It’s Our Thing (1969)
A horn section follows you around to punctuate your bold-yet-accurate predictions about love that will happen in the near future of pedestrians while you’re dressed like a confused extra in a production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
* * *
Band of Horses – Cease To Begin (2007)
You hook up several reverb pedals to tell your blind date something that’s either a very heartfelt joke about the Dead Sea or a story about oddly comforting paranormal activity.
* * *
Sulaco – The Prize (2018)
Instead of doing brain surgery, your doctor just opens up your head, sticks an immersion blender in there on high, and goes for a jog while screaming as loud as he can.
* * *
Cat – Cat (1970)
The Magical Mystery Tour is actually a cruise designed to recreate a quaint, Canadian lifestyle in the late-60s.
* * *
Ween – White Pepper (2000)
A junior high school going through it’s uncomfortable identity spurts all at once.
* * *
Marc Ribot – Saints (2001)
Transcendental complication.
* * *
King Crimson – Red (1974)
You have a recurring nightmare about being buried alive and every time it happens you wake up with a little bit more dirt in your mouth.
* * *
Bobbie Gentry – Local Gentry (1968)
A woman in giant sunglasses keys the car of the someone asking for the manager at a pantsuit outlet store in Mississippi.
* * *
Tar Pit – Tomb Of Doom (2018)
The tortoise beat the hare by feeding it anvils until it couldn’t move.
* * *
Melvins – Lysol (1992)
The letter-shaped cookies that a terrorist in an Alice Cooper shirt will use to spell out his ransom note have begun to slowly rise.
* * *
Robbie Basho – Seal of the Blue Lotus (1965)
The vibrations from a flower taking a nap on a mountain made of worn-out ponchos.
* * *
Steely Dan – Countdown to Ecstasy (1973)
Coke dealer fan fiction being read at a comedy open mic.
* * *
Rozwell Kid – Too Shabby (2014)
And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also tell you to maybe get a job with more perks than eating a free taco quick if the manager’s not looking.
* * *
Charly Bliss – Guppy (2017)
You’re at the beach worried that all the sunburned people think it’s your fault they got sunburned so you aggressively ask strangers if they’re having fun yet.
* * *
Jim O’Rourke – Bad Timing (1997)
You take a step into the air and just keep walking straight up until you get to where heaven should be but isn’t and then just keep going.
