Red House Painters – Down Colorful Hill (1992)
You read Ulyssesin one sitting and then very slowly describe to your therapist what you see on various Rorschach tests.
* * *
Cat Power – Moon Pix (1998)
The most played album at an Area 51 singles bar jukebox after 1:00 AM.
* * *
Lethargy – It’s Hard To Write With a Little Hand (1996)
Several compound fractures having an argument over which one is making the person die more.
* * *
Windy & Carl – Depths (1998)
You meet your soul mate because you both had “driftwood floating down a river made of infinite chants about the heart” as your Religious View on a dating website for narcoleptics.
* * *
Windy & Carl – The Bliss Out, Vol. 2 (1997)
Fire and water coming to an agreement on how they’ll live their lives together.
* * *
King Crimson – Lizard (1970)
Thankfully, you don’t really have any friends, so nobody will tell you that the 400000 word medieval RPG you’re writing doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
* * *
Nik Bärtsch – Llyrìa (2010)
Your math and composition teachers chip in on an audiophile setup to blast porno jazz between classes.
* * *
Bedhead – WhatFunLifeWas (1994)
You agree to be telepathically burdened by the mortician in town in exchange for a casket you can get a decent night’s rest in.
* * *
Pretty Maids – Red, Hot and Heavy (1984)
How your friends expect you to find the time to go throw empty beer bottles at your ex-girlfriend’s house when you need to get the stains out of your second and fifth favorite pairs of leather pants, you’ll never know.
* * *
Seefeel – More Like Space (1993)
You put on black lipstick using the light from a lava lamp and then you start telling people you went to a super chill rave.
* * *
Earthride – Vampire Circus (2009)
You’ve smoked meth off a dirty steak knife borrowed from a guy named Pigpen.
* * *
Stoort Neer – en glad titel på en sorglig skiva (2018)
In exchange for a tattoo of people being decapitated on a carousel, you customize the tattoo artist’s car to redline and bury the needle as soon as it’s put in Drive.
* * *
The Menzingers – After the Party (2017)
The person who wrote Black Flag lyrics on the inside front and back cover of an old On the Road paperback is, but also isn’t, you.
* * *
Robin Guthrie & Harold Budd – Bordeaux (2011)
From a pinhole in a cherry slowly leaks the universe and everything.
