Featured Image Credit: Via geograph.org © Copyright Robin Webster (CC BY-SA 2.0)
41.
I’m as happy as a clam
in a gulf of beer,
Fit as a whistle
in the pneumatic tube,
I’m just a droppin these breadcrumbs
while milking these utters,
I’m a one trick pony
and a well hung scallion,
A master of all trades
but a jack of none.
The fact of the matter is,
The Big Rock Candy Mountain
served up a Piece of the Pie,
I never touched the stuff,
said the Peppermint Man,
5 plates a pigtails,
I ham hock it up.
Pickle me this, Elmer Fudd,
The Marvin Paul Melvin:
A can of beenie weenies
and a bottle of gin,
A riblet sandwich
and a Colt45,
Sittin on a church pew
and cuttin up a rug.
Straight as an arrow,
stiff as a board,
Straight as an arrow,
stiff as a board,
straight as an arrow,
decay.
decay.
decay.
decay.
decay.
decay.
decay.
Garden sheer me, Fizzle Twix,
I’ve been prunin crepe myrtles
upon the crest of the wave,
Heliotropic banana stand,
i boil my noodles
til they stick to the wall,
al dente –
to the teeth.
44.
i can’t jiggity jog no more,
i just pokey,
i putt putt one foot
in front of my brother
and watch my legs
sink down into the pluff mud,
then holler out:
BEAN SHOOTS,
OKRA PODS,
SNAP PEAS
WITH A SODA ON THE SIDE.
they plant their loblolly pines
in sandy soil
between a rock
and a hard place,
but i beam me up, Shotty –
i’ma water bear.
At the shit show,
I sit on the stoop
and stick my head
through the firmament,
beneath a nest of baby birds
eating peanut butter,
AM I RIGHT?
born and bred
in the briar patch,
knee deep
in catfish row,
in a sticky situation,
don’t save it for the salad,
serve me up one scoop of tuna
sandwiched between
two starched white triangles,
good googly moogly,
poodin pome,
spoon river,
spunions,
I just think i’ve reached the point in my life where
Alex Gregor is a writer, editor & instructor currently living in Rome, Italy. He is one of the founding editors of OOMPH! Press and the curator of the DIRTY SOUTH reading series. His chapbook, FAUCET, was selected as a finalist for The Atlas Review Chapbook Series (2015). His work has appeared or is forthcoming in The Fanzine, Real Pants, NOÖ, Deer Bear Wolf and elsewhere. He has a MA in English from Georgia State University.
