You know what’s an underrated music genre? Jazz.
I love jazz. It’s not for everyone. You have to have a keen musical ear like I do, and be, you know, pretty sophisticated. It’s about the notes the jazzers don’t play. I like the trumpets the best I guess. I love all that honking. How about you? Do you like the trumpets too, or maybe the big violins? They’re so much bigger than regular violins. It’s insane. They can’t even hold them. They stand them upright on the floor!
Oh you’ve never heard any jazz? Well, you will. When you grow out of all this school disco stuff, you’ll hear it a ton. It’s in elevators, and also lounge bars, which are like these bars with pianos in them. I’ve been to bars.
I can’t guarantee you’ll like jazz though. It’s an acquired taste. Like Guinness. You know, the brown drink? Have you had Guinness? It’s delicious, so refreshing. I totally drink beer all the time, and Guinness is like beer but sludgier. I can get you beer.
What’s that? You prefer Taylor Swift? Sure thing, sure. She has talent, undeniably.
How about reggae? It’s this totally great music. Do you listen to reggae? No? Well it’s amazing. There’s this dead guy called Rob Marley, I think he was killed stubbing his toe on something. Yeah I know, crazy huh? I stub my toes all the time on the toy chest in my room. I mean art-supply chest. But I haven’t died yet. Probably because I make a commitment to staying in shape.
Yeah, reggae is really good stuff. It’s slow and good to relax to. There’s even this genre that’s like a mixture of jazz and reggae, called Scarf. I love it. There’s this British band called Madness, have you heard of them? They’re so good, and they also did a bunch of comedy shows and films. Yeah, I guess they were really big over in Britain. Their singer does the British voice in loads of movies. I think he was the king in Trolls.
What’s Trolls? It’s some dumb movie for kids that my little sister likes. God, I hate it. But he’s really good in it, as the voice of the king. Great timbre.
Madness has this song about driving a car, it’s got horns beeping in it. It’s like for babies, but it’s ironic, you know? So it’s totally awesome. I’ll have my license in a few years. Yep, I’ll be beeping my own horn. In my car. I already talked to my folks about moving some money from one of my investment accounts to help buy it. I invest in a lot of startups, you know?
Do you hang out with any guys who can drive? You do? Oh, cool, cool.
Oh wow, is this Taylor Swift now? This is one you like? American Girl? Cool, cool.
Of course, it’s not as good as Tom Pretty’s original. That was, uh, heartfelt, and uh, full of pain.
What? No, I’m not reading that on my phone. I got a text from, uh, my drugs dealer. I just had to see what time we were hooking up. Late, I should think. Under the bridge.
You have to go? Oh, OK. Great talking to you. Remember, look me up when you discover Jazz! I’ll be around. Rolling down the street in my car, no doubt. Top down, and uh, John Coltrane blazing out. Or you know, Jolly Roll Morton.
“Jolly Roll”? Is that right? Oh, Jelly Roll. Jelly Roll Morton!
Dumb phone. Ok, yeah, peace out. Hope to see you again. I’ll be over here by the punch getting drunk if you want to talk some more.
Oh, it’s not alcoholic, huh? Of course I knew that. I meant getting drunk on culture.