Poetry

BLACKCACKLE: Inapplicable Diagnoses, per the DSM-V

written by Rota October 18, 2019

While waiting for my therapist, I flip through the DSM-V and learn that I do not meet the criteria for the following diagnoses:

Boanthropy: a condition in which the subject believes they are a cow or an ox.

Erotomania: a condition in which the subject experiences a persistent overwhelming delusion that a celebrity is in love with them.

Boanthropic Erotomania: a condition in which the subject believes they are a cow or an ox that a celebrity is in love with.

Inverted Erotomanic Boanthropic Portmania: a condition in which the subject believes they are a cow or ox that is in love with Natalie Portman.

                                                           [Sometimes I think I am an unknown species that is in love
                                                     with everything but is unable to love any specific thing.
                                                                       
                                                                        Sometimes I think I am an ant who believes the descending boot
                   miles above him is just there for shade.  

                                                           There is no word for these conditions, and I have not been
                                                           diagnosed as such. Without a label, it is easy to feel alone.]

Autophagia: a compulsive disorder in which the subject wants to eat themselves.

Boanthropic Autophagia: a compulsive disorder in which the subject wants to eat themselves because the subject believes they are a piece of steak.

Boanthropic Erotomanic Autophagia: a compulsive disorder in which the subject believes they are a piece of steak a celebrity is eager to consume.

                                                           [Sometimes I worry I am unworthy of consumption because
                                             I need to consume everything. The term for that is:     
   
                                                 Anxiety – not the desire to consume, but the fear that
                                       anyone near me could get swallowed. Anxiety is a
                                                                condition describing symptoms shared by 500 million people.
                                                   
                                               This is why I find labels comforting. If I thought I was a
                                                   cow, I would know there was a herd for me somewhere.
                                               Maybe just sitting in a community center auditorium,
                                                   telling each other hello, discussing their progress and    
   
                                               struggles, providing each other nourishment beyond 
                                               grass hay or cud or their own good skin. Saying it will
                                                 be ok today. We’ll live on two feet today. We’ll fall, but
we’ll stand again.]
 

Image Credit: René Magritte “The Beautiful Relations” (1967)  

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Rota

Eric Sirota is a spoken word poet, author, and public interest lawyer living in Ann Arbor Michigan, by way of Chicago. He has been featured in Button Poetry, FreezeRay Poetry, Alternating Current (forthcoming), the Jet Fuel Review and elsewhere. By day, he supervises students providing free representation to veterans at Michigan Law School. His attempts to tour have proved difficult due to his terrible sense of direction. You can't miss him. He's the tallest Jew for miles.

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