Kitty Wells – Country Music Time (1964)
A very sweet woman who makes homemade whiskey and homemade poison and puts them in the same type of bottle so you know never to fuck with her.
* * *
Yes – Yes (1969)
If Spinal Tap had gone in a different direction between their “Listen to the Flower People” single and their jazz odyssey phase.
* * *
Yes – Time and a Word (1970)
Rogue orchestra members skipping rehearsal to try to sell single cigarettes outside of a nightclub in Middle Earth.
* * *
Yes – The Yes Album (1971)
You spend most of your time drawing maps of what you think the sun looks like and also about how to escape the sun while still being able to keep a watchful eye on it.
* * *
Yes – Fragile (1971)
Four different airplanes tied together and taking off at once while some elf sings a bunch of words he found written on a note in a bottle that washed ashore near his house.
* * *
Yes – Close to the Edge (1972)
A teenager is dubbing copies of this for he and his buddies to listen to while they throw rocks at the Aquarium Restaurant that fired them for getting one of the swordfish stoned.
* * *
Yes – Tales From Topographic Oceans (1973)
The album that Shaggy tries explaining to everyone on excruciatingly long rides in the Mystery Machine.
* * *
Yes – Relayer (1974)
The album everyone in the Mystery Machine agrees to listen to so Shaggy will shut the fuck up.
* * *
Yes – Going for the One (1977)
You’re hoping everyone in the blues bar notices you reading Ursula K. LeGuin out loud to yourself.
* * *
Yes – Tormato (1978)
The guy who owns the house the party is at gets his Casio out and nobody is allowed to leave until they say and then immediately forget whatever it was they were thinking about Deepak Chopra.
* * *
Yes – Drama (1980)
Your buddy from high school gets really into emailing you ten-thousand-word NASA conspiracy think-pieces that are surprisingly well put together.
* * *
Yes – 90125 (1983)
MC Scat Cat hires a bunch of studio guys to produce his first solo album after splitting from Paula Abdul.
The Afghan Whigs – 1965 (1998)
You put on your really nice dancing shoes so you can stomp on your ex’s Stax records.
* * *
Dianogah – Millions of Brazilians (2002)
Siamese twins using the rumble of thunder to fight over who gets to use their brain that day.
* * *
Le Berger – Music for Guitar and Patience (2015)
You take some deep breaths and go in on a timeshare with a bunch of television static so you can mellow out and ignore the twitching in your eye that’s been happening for several decades now.
* * *
R.E.M. – Document (1987)
The proletariat is deeply enraged through the majority of their movement through the stages of the Allegory of the Cave.
* * *
Cathedral – Soul Sacrifice (1992)
A sentient ice sculpture accidentally melts itself to death doing bong rips for the devil.
* * *
- Geils Band – Full House “Live” (1972)
Grease, except it’s set in Detroit, where the T-Birds have actually knifed people and Rizzo steals money from the other Pink Ladies to pay for an abortion.
* * *
Material – Hallucination Engine (1994)
Cinemax helps collaborate with a tabla prodigy to make some new bumper music for QVC.
* * *
Laura Stevenson – Cocksure (2015)
You eat gummy bears for breakfast every day while you think of a way to mail yourself to the beach.
* * *
Moonface – Dreamfland EP: marimba and shit drums (2010)
Steve Reich plays your wedding and you end up divorced and then married again by the time the reception is over.
* * *
Shiiin – Future Past Life (2018)
A skeleton is found at the bottom of the ocean with its hand permanently affixed to its chest and everything else decomposed except the heart.
* * *
Low Sun – Icicles (2017)
A hawk using smoke signals to tell the history of the universe as a warning to a mouse hundreds of miles away.
* * *
Moths – Moths (2018)
A 24000 steps/turn merengue between a greyhound and a weightlifter.
* * *
Nux Vomica – A Civilized World (2007)
Grindin’ Maiden.
* * *
Alkaline Trio – Goddamnit! (1998)
High school is hard because you understand stuff about Anton Lavey that girls just wouldn’t understand.
* * *
Alkaline Trio – My Shame Is True (2013)
Being in your late-30s is hard because you understand stuff about girls that Anton Levey just wouldn’t understand.
